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Reflecting on Life Before Death
+ avoidable in-law issues
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Welcome to Your Deathbed
Many fear dying alone. I often talk with callers who don’t realize that how they treat their loved ones over their lifetime could determine who is by their side during their final days.
After a recent exasperating call, I spontaneously decided to spend an hour of my program on the subject of deathbeds. I posed the question to callers, “Who would you like by your side in your final hours, and what do you need to do now to prepare for that moment?” Their responses are the focus of today’s Deep Dive podcast, “Welcome to Your Deathbed.”
Here are some of the incredibly profound answers I received from callers:
I want my husband and all our kids there, but I’d also like an angel to help me pass over. If no angel appears, I’d like an arrow pointing out the way. I don’t want to be unsure of which way to go.
I recently sat down with my oldest grandson, who is now in college, and said, “You’ve seen me failing. This is going to happen when you’re off at school. Don’t drop everything you’re doing, and don’t mourn me because you’ve made my life so great.” I wanted him to think of those words and to remember that Grandpa was a great grandpa. I want him to remember me with a smile and not a lot of tears. That’s a great thing to leave behind.
I have my deathbed all planned out already because I want it to be a party. Hopefully, it’s not some sudden accident because I want my friends and family to be there, music playing — hymns to Metallica and everything in between — with food from all over. I want people to know that I didn’t just die, but I lived!
Listen to the other captivating responses that callers shared in this Deep Dive episode
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☎️ Need to make amends before your time comes?
If you’re seeking guidance on righting your wrongs, let’s sort things out together. Dial 1-800-DRLAURA or make an appointment to speak with me on air.
💔 The fear of a parent passing away
If you are worried about a loved one passing, remind yourself what you can and can’t control, as I told James during our conversation.
👵 When Grandma earns the title of “Mom”
Not all women who give birth are meant to be mothers — like Jennifer’s mom. Read Jennifer’s testament of love to the woman who stepped in as mom.
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The 3 Biggest Mistakes Mothers- (and Daughters)-in-Law Make
It’s no secret that dilemmas between in-laws and adult children are one of the most common types of calls I receive. When I boil it down, here are the typical problems:
The 3 Biggest Mistakes Mothers-in-Law Make:
Thinking your mother-son relationship doesn’t change after he’s married.
You can’t treat him like your baby boy anymore. Big and little things are their business now, not yours (even his haircut).
“Helping out” around the house.
Don’t walk into your son and daughter-in-law’s home and start cleaning or moving anything around. Any time you do stuff like that, it’s immediately taken as criticism. You can offer to help, but if your daughter-in-law says no, drop it. This is not your place.
Getting in the middle of their relationship and taking sides.
When your child gets engaged, sit the two of them down and make it clear that neither one of them can come to you to complain about the other. They can talk to you together if they needed advice. Don’t put yourself in the position of only hearing one side of the story.
The 3 Biggest Mistakes Daughters-in-Law Make:
Being too thin-skinned.
Most daughters-in-law expect their mother-in-law to be critical, so they immediately go on the defensive. However, not everything your mother-in-law says and does is an insult or a criticism. If you’re willing to listen, there’s probably something to be learned or gained from her years of experience. There can easily be misunderstandings about innocent things, so don’t take everything as an attack and then overreact.
Not dealing with your mother-in-law directly.
If your MIL has a view or suggestion that differs from yours, don’t keep quiet and then later bitch to your husband (who then has to deal with his mother separately). Just say, “That’s an interesting idea. I may try it,” or, “That’s an interesting idea. I want to do it differently, but I appreciate your input.” Then it’s dealt with right then and there, and nobody feels insulted or unimportant.
Not showing respect.
Just as you and your parents are not equals, neither are you and your mother-in-law. She is older, more experienced, and raised the person you can’t live without. That deserves a lot of respect.
"Now, go DO the right thing!"
