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Paralyzed by Pain

The word “triggered” is exactly the kind of psychobabble term that drives me crazy. Why?

Rose was feeling “triggered” when she called me. Something had happened in her long-standing, unhealthy relationship that dredged up terrible childhood pain, and she called to find out how to cope with her feelings. I told Rose that the best thing she could do was stop making excuses and start taking actions that could actually improve her life.

Wallowing in painful feelings only sidetracks you and keeps you from making decisions that can ultimately lead to self-respect.

If you’re going to measure every moment of everything you do by the way you feel, you are never going to fully live life. All you’re doing is ruminating. Not living for today. It’s irrelevant that something is triggering. You may not be able to control your emotional reaction to it, but you can control what you say and what you do.

If you don’t like a situation, don’t tolerate it anymore.

If someone is mean to you, don’t deal with them anymore.

Feeling sick in your mind, spirit and body is a huge price to pay for your inaction. The bottom line is this; to live a full, meaningful life, you have to make the right choices for yourself. And when you use wisdom instead of your feelings to dictate your actions, you’ll find that you feel braver and stronger.

Listen to today’s Call of the Day episode that inspired this post:

☎️ Struggling to let go of the past?

Let’s work together to figure out a plan. Call me at 1-800-DRLAURA or click here to make an appointment to speak with me on air. 

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Breaking Free from the Pain

What should you do if you struggle to accept your faults? Although he hurt the people closest to him, Mark’s story illustrates that it is possible to take responsibility and not repeat your mistakes. He wrote:

My ex-wife divorced me after 18 years of marriage because of my severe alcohol and opioid dependence.

I acted horribly toward her during my addiction: stealing medication, lying and cheating. Fortunately, I now have 21 years of continuous sobriety and am still active in AA.

I recently heard a call on your radio program with a father of a 35-year-old addict son asking if there was anything else he could do for his boy. I resonated with your comments about acceptance. You said, “Simply accepting a situation does not guarantee your emotions will not surface again.” That was my "a-ha" moment.

Throughout my sobriety, I’ve been experiencing waves of guilt, shame and remorse for how I treated my ex-wife.

She forgave me when I made formal amends to her. However, I have struggled to accept the hurt and disappointment I caused and the lost promise of our marriage. I’ve assumed this was my burden to carry for the rest of my life, and I’ve punished myself for it. Now I realize that it’s normal to “re-feel.” When this happens, I’ll just renew my acceptance.

💡 Thought of the Day 

"Now, go do the right thing!"

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