When Coming Out Tests Family Ties

Most parents have some vision or dream of how their children’s lives will turn out. However, kids find their own way in life. It’s understandable that the topic of coming out can be difficult for both children and parents alike.

In today’s Deep Dive podcast, “When Coming Out Tests Family Ties,” I’m discussing how to navigate new realities when your child comes out.

The sooner, the better.

Callers of all ages have asked me, “When should I come out to my parents?” The sooner a child can speak honestly about their sexuality with their parents, the quicker the family can move forward with a more honest and loving relationship.

While speaking with 52-year-old Pat, she asked me if it was finally time to tell her elderly father that she was gay and in a loving relationship. My answer? Yes! Check out this episode for the plan we outlined.

Listen and proceed with love.

When your child confides in you that he or she is gay, the only thing you need to do is listen. You don’t need to ask questions. You don’t need to give advice. You certainly shouldn’t be offering any warnings.

Gay children just want to know that their parents still love them. If you were proud of them before, you can continue to be proud.

During our conversation, caller Michelle admitted she was shocked by her daughter coming out. I asked her the same question that I ask all parents in this situation: “Do you want to preserve your relationship?” Listen to this episode for her answer.

Not everything has changed. Discover how to be the parent your child needs

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📚 Reconciling with a lack of early parental love

If you've felt an absence of love and acceptance in childhood, I invite you to read Bad Childhood, Good Life. In this New York Times Bestseller, I will show you how to pull yourself out of victimhood and thrive with the mindset that you have the power to create the life you want, despite your upbringing. 

🎧 Hear from the children themselves

Seeking more direction with coming out conversations? These 3 Calls of the Day episodes are a great place to start:

1. My Dad Doesn't Know I'm Gay

2. Coming Out Healed My Relationship with My Dad

3. I Want My Mom Out of My Head

I Am My Kids’ Dad

When it comes to divorce, I strongly believe that neither mom nor dad should date until the kids are grown. Read the main reason why my listener, Dan, chose to stay single while raising his sons:

I'm in my late 50s and have been divorced for quite a while. I have a great relationship with my ex-wife. We have two boys together, now 16 and 19 years old. I was a competitive cyclist. While traveling across the desert I discovered your show. Listening to the callers and your responses got me hooked. When I took my kids to the beach, they would listen too. My ex and I would also listen, though that did not change our outcome.

Some of your responses to callers left your voice in my head whenever I found myself in similar scenarios.

I have remained single to be my kids’ dad! This included lots of time spent doing fun stuff with them. It also means being there to help when they have had problems. I get that after a divorce, dudes want to get back into another relationship. But, the reality is that a single parent needs to focus on the kids 100%. Another relationship takes time away from that.

I am glad that I found your show and that I took the time to listen and learn. I have more tools in my toolbox now to help my boys become good humans.

📚 From one divorced dad to another…

Hear from some of the men who have called in for my advice:

1. I Forgot How Much My Son Needs Me After My Divorce

2. I'm Losing Control Over My Son

Give Yourself the Gift of New Knees this Year!

💡 Thought of the Day 

Now, go do the right thing!

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