How to Be Supportive

How do you help someone deal with an unfortunate turn of events? In moments of anger, outrage, and disappointment, the best way to be supportive is to listen and simply say, “I’m so sorry. How terrible! How can I help?”

When I spoke to Maria, she was tired of her husband taking his frustrations out on her.

His bipolar disorder coupled with growing physical health issues had him on-edge. But he really flipped out when a dentistry debacle left him toothless and without a much-needed dental appliance. Maria thought he was overreacting and tried to calm him down, but her attempts left him feeling betrayed and like she was not on his side.

When someone is coming unglued, the smartest and kindest response is to show support.

Don’t diminish their pain by taking the other side or giving any appearance of discounting their anguish. Maria didn’t try to see things through her husband’s eyes. Instead, she reminded him that the dentist didn’t actually say his order would be ready on a certain date. In doing so she left her man feeling dismissed instead of comforted.

A better response would have been to ask, “What can I do? Want to take a walk? Can I rub your shoulders? Get you a cup of coffee?”

Once someone has lost it, you can’t expect them to be rational. And things will only get worse if you try to diminish or deny something they perceive to be injurious. Show your support with statements like, “Damn you’re right. This is terrible.” That’s what will help reduce their tension. Only once they’re calm again will you be able to broach the subject of what can be done next.

☎️ I’m here to help:

If you need some words of wisdom on navigating stressful situations, call me at 1-800-DRLAURA or click here to make an appointment to speak with me on-air. 

😰 Are you dealing with difficult family members?

These 2 videos of the day address common dilemmas with loved ones:

1. How Do I Break Ties with a Chaotic Sibling?

2. How Do I Compose Myself Around My Mom?

🎙️ Tomorrow on 99.5 KKLA

Daddy Needs A Hug

How easy is it to forget your spouse needs affection while parenting? We all need a reminder, like Joan, to take a moment and show that love to your stud:

I listen to your podcasts and often hear you tell your callers to hug their spouses when they feel frustrated or upset. Your advice is spot on!

Giving a hug or asking for a hug immediately forces you to relax and take a deep breath.

Sometimes, I need that hug and don't even realize it until I'm wrapped in my husband's arms. Because of your advice, I had to share this moment with you. It had been a long and hectic day, my husband was feeling a little exhausted and in need of some peace. Well, we have 3 kids, so that is a rarity! As we were driving, my kids just wanted their Daddy's attention. My husband gently said, "Okay I need no one to talk to me right now. Just talk to each other for a bit."

Our 6-year-old daughter and 4-year-old son both said, "Aw Daddy needs a hug!"

It brought a smile to my husband's face and sincere warmth to my heart. As soon as we parked the car, we all got out, including our 1-year-old son, and gave Daddy a group hug!

Your advice to families and spouses is incredibly helpful, and I thank you for always being an advocate for stay-at-home moms. I've listened to you since I was in grade school. Even though I may not have been excited that my mom had Dr. Laura on in the car as a kid, your words sank in. You have always been the voice of reason for me. Thank you, for you truly have raised a generation!

💌 Let me hear from you: 

How do you show love to your spouse after becoming parents? Share your tender moments of appreciation here!

💡 Thought of the Day 

What's something you've heard me say that really resonated with you?

"Now, go do the right thing!"