The 3 Biggest Mistakes Mothers- (and Daughters)-in-Law Make

It’s no secret that dilemmas between in-laws and adult children are one of the most common types of calls I receive. When I boil it down, here are the typical problems:

The 3 Biggest Mistakes Mothers-in-Law Make:

1. Thinking your mother-son relationship doesn’t change after he’s married.

   You can’t treat him like your baby boy anymore. Big and little things are their business now, not yours (even his haircut).

2. “Helping out” around the house.

   Don’t walk into your son and daughter-in-law’s home and start cleaning or moving anything around. Any time you do stuff like that, it’s immediately taken as criticism. You can offer to help, but if your daughter-in-law says no, drop it. This is not your place.

3. Getting in the middle of their relationship and taking sides.

   When your child gets engaged, sit the two of them down and make it clear that neither one of them can come to you to complain about the other. They can talk to you together if they needed advice. Don’t put yourself in the position of only hearing one side of the story.

The 3 Biggest Mistakes Daughters-in-Law Make:

1. Being too thin-skinned.

   Most daughters-in-law expect their mother-in-law to be critical, so they immediately go on the defensive. However, not everything your mother-in-law says and does is an insult or a criticism. If you’re willing to listen, there’s probably something to be learned or gained from her years of experience. There can easily be misunderstandings about innocent things, so don’t take everything as an attack and then overreact.

2. Not dealing with your mother-in-law directly.

   If your MIL has a view or suggestion that differs from yours, don’t keep quiet and then later bitch to your husband (who then has to deal with his mother separately). Just say, “That’s an interesting idea. I may try it,” or, “That’s an interesting idea. I want to do it differently, but I appreciate your input.” Then it’s dealt with right then and there, and nobody feels insulted or unimportant.

3. Not showing respect.

   Just as you and your parents are not equals, neither are you and your mother-in-law. She is older, more experienced, and raised the person you can’t live without. That deserves a lot of respect.

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🎧 Seeking more insight on in-laws?

If you missed my 2-part Deep Dive series on these type of relationship dilemmas, listen to them here:

1. Stupid Things Daughters-in-Law Do

2. Stupid Things Mothers-in-Law Do

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Mentor, Matriarch, Mother-in-Law

There’s beauty and knowledge in fostering a healthy MIL and DIL relationship. Here’s what Linda gained from sharing a mutual respect with the woman who raised her husband:

I don’t know why women today find it necessary to compete with and feel jealous about their mothers-in-law.

When I got married to the love of my life at the ripe old age of 18, I gained his mother as my best friend. I’ve treated her with respect, showed her gratitude, and listened to and learned from her. It has worked in my favor!

Have I loved everything she has said or done? Nope!

But I accepted her, and, in return, I gained a mentor, a friend, and a mom. She knows me, adores her grandchildren, and never left me behind even when her beloved son passed away at age 30.

Ladies, stop complaining and remember that the woman you want to hate loved, nurtured, and raised the man you chose to marry.

Put in the effort with your mother-in-law and you may just change your life for the better.

💡 Thought of the Day 

"Now, go do the right thing!"